Home » Comedy

Comedy

Comedy
20 Signatures To Spice Up Your Emails
WDC News 6 Staff Posted On July 7, 2021



During the pandemic millions of people have had to adjust to their jobs, schooling, childcare, and anything else that would regularly happen face-to-face being conducted pretty much entirely virtually. After over a year of living life under lockdowns, it’s to be expected that we’d all be feeling a little technology burnout. So to help reinvigorate your day-to-day, here are some alternative email sign-offs and signatures you might want to consider.

Stoically while staring out at the sea,

See you in Hell,

Baby bye bye bye (bye bye bye),

AAAAAAAHHHHHHH,

Stay fresh, cheese bags,

Await the signal,

Take care or else,

Flatulently,

Softly and tenderly like Julie Andrews holding a baby bird,

Stuck inside a computer beep boop beep boop,

Hail Cthulhu,

BEGRUDGINGLY,

Watch the skies, traveller,

Please be nice I’m sensitive,

Still deeply confused by Tenet but too afraid to ask at this point,

Sent from my iPhone OR WAS IT,

And if you don’t know, now you know,

Naked and afraid,

New York Times #1 Bestselling Author,

Respond at your convenience but know I will be panicking until you do,



Source link


Continue Reading
0
8 Views


Comedy
An Open Letter To My Dog Who Won’t Stop Licking Himself
WDC News 6 Staff Posted On July 7, 2021



Dear Remy,

Let me start by saying that I love you, and it’s important you know this doesn’t change that. That being said, this has gone on for long enough and it’s time I addressed it. You gotta stop licking your dick and balls all the time, buddy.

I think we can agree that for the most part the last year of me working from home has gone pretty smoothly, and I’m grateful! I am! Spending all day everyday together for over a year is a lot, and it’s not like you can just open the door and take yourself for a walk to get some space. (You don’t have thumbs to open the door, as you are aware). I’m not unsympathetic, but things simply have to change.

Remy, my sweet angel, light of my life, there is no way you need to lick your ween that vigorously, for that long. I understand personal hygiene, but this is beyond. Do you know how many times per day I lose track of what I’m writing or have to reread entire emails because all I can focus on is the sound of you going to town on yourself? Did you know that the CIA and the Soviets made their captives listen to the same sounds over and over and over as a form of torture?

You’re waging psychological warfare on me, Remy. So predictably every single day and yet the sound of you licking your dick and balls is something I will never get used to. Like a horrible grandfather clock.

Shlorp shlorp shlorp shlorp

How does it sound both that wet and that loud? Do you have an amplifier down there? Are you slobbering into a microphone? Have you figured out exactly where to lie to best use the acoustics of the apartment? And that’s another thing, I know we don’t have a ton of space, but there is absolutely no reason for you to do this directly under my desk. Right next to where I work. Sometimes while lying on my feet.

Get a room, for god’s sake.

If I didn’t interrupt with a “hey!” or a “shhht!” every few minutes I don’t know when you’d stop, and I don’t think you do either. You’re clean, Remy. You’re clean. If I let you lick your penis for as long as you wanted to lick your penis, you wouldn’t have a penis left. You would polish it right off.

Do you want that? Do you want to lick your penis into nonexistence? I doubt it, considering how fond you obviously are.

Please, Remy, for both of our sakes, mostly the sake of my sanity but for BOTH of our sakes, before you lick yourself, first ask:

  • Did I just lick myself five minutes ago?
  • Do I really need to lick myself?
  • Could I spend this time doing something else like perhaps cleaning up my toys?
  • Is there a cat or a bird outside that I could stare at instead?

If you want to lick just your balls for a while though, fine. I will allow that. But only because they’re not going to be around for much longer, which is a talk for another day.



Source link


Continue Reading
0
12 Views


Comedy
DRUNK BUS: this coming-of-age comedy would’ve premiered at SXSW (CLIP)
WDC News 6 Staff Posted On July 7, 2021



UPDATE: Drunk Bus now officially has a distribution partner (FilmRise), a release date (May 21st), and this awesome trailer:

Due to COVID-19, South By Southwest, along with many other festivals across the world, was not able to hold its in-person festival this year, and while some of its shorts and features opted for temporary virtual homes, many of these gems are still yet-to-be-released to wider distribution.

DRUNK BUS, the debut feature comedy from frequent Funny Or Die collaborators and contributors Ghost & Cow (Brandon LaGanke and John Carlucci), is one of those gems. Written by Chris Molinaro, It stars Charlie Tahan (Ozark) and New York comedy keystone Dave Hill, with an amazing cameo from a former Saturday Night Live cast member (I won’t ruin the surprise, sorry). It’s a hilarious and heartfelt look at the paralyzing post-college years of Michael (Tahan), who is stuck driving the Kent Institute of Technology late night campus shuttle for drunk college kids. His ex-girlfriend moved to New York, and he… didn’t.

After this surprisingly somewhat-dangerous gig lands him a black eye, he befriends his new security detail, Pineapple (Pineapple Tangaroa as himself). The unlikely friendship of two polar opposites (believe it or not, this shy scrawny white virgin hasn’t led the same life as this giant samoan with tattoos all over his face) serves as the backbone of this part buddy comedy, part road movie, part coming-of-age tale. It’s full of great bits, and the perfect hit of that nostalgic sense of post-college adventure from when the whole world is in front of you, and every night is somehow simultaneously different and the same.

In addition to the great comedic set pieces that come with an ever-changing population of drunk college kids on a bus, this movie nails the types of characters we somehow all met in college, and never met before nor since then. Did we imagine them? Pineapple seems to fearlessly march to the beat of his own drum, as if the weirdest kid in the room is also the adult in the room. Devo Ted is the weed dealer obsessed with Devo who makes you stay for bagel bites and has a room full of dynamite in his apartment (the weed dealer on my college campus had a sword collection and a DIY mini moat that ran throughout his apartment). Fred (first introduced in voice only – a voice you will certainly recognize) is Michaels cringey boss who Michael will undoubtedly become if he doesn’t get his shit together.

And then there’s the supporting cast of ridiculous college kids and locals that really give this story its rich depth and authenticity – you get the sense that when they first started writing this, there was a very different (lame) version of this movie that they could have made – they picked the right direction at the fork in the road and floored it. Fantastic performances from the supporting cast of Pineapple Tangaroa, Kara Hayward, Zach Cherry, Tonatiuh Elizarraraz, Sarah Mezzanotte, and a cameo from Frank Iero (yes, that Frank Iero, of My Chemical Romance) round out the world to stick the landing of this sharp vision from LaGanke and Carlucci.

This movie is a fun party we’ll all hopefully be invited to soon. In the meantime, check out this clip!

More info about DRUNK BUS can be found at http://www.drunkbusmovie.com/ – follow them on social media at @drunkbusmovie



Source link


Continue Reading
0
8 Views